I have just borrowed the smile knowing its not for me its safe with me... and so are your eyes and the tip of the nose with that bit of sun on it and as is everything else you could come and check if you want to my sleep plays jigsaw puzzle with them each night. 5.45 p.m 26/09/05

I carve out a part of my heart I make the edges neater I enclose it carefully in words showing a glimpse but not laying it open... I carve out a part of my mind I put it on this paper I cloak it in words I call it a poem and I push it away so that it throbs somewhere else. 22/09/05 3.25 p.m

the angelic child sits there face turned away indifferent not recognising her. Impossible to believe it was was ever hers a barren woman gazes at it longingly He is the dream i orphaned ages ago and this woman who winces shrinks in shame is I

pata nahin kaun jeeta
kal raat mukabala tha
sannate ke beech
aur un hazaar baaton ke beech-jo main kehna chahti thi
kal raat maine kaha bahut kucch...
tum ne suna ki nahin?
sote rahe tum
par sapne dekhe meri aankhon ne
apni nasamjhi ko samajhti rahi raat bhar
door se dekha tha tumhaara chehra paani par
jhilmilate chand mein,
par doobti bhi rahi aur behti bhi rahi
main.

25.01.2004
1.58 a.m

Samajhne ki baat hai
andhera kaatta hai,daraata hai,
ya phir un sapno ko sweekar kar leta hai
samet aur sahej leta hai
jo din mein dikhai dene se darte hai
haule se aa kar
pyaar se sula dena badi baat hai
par
us se bhi badi baat hai
bina kucch kahein aur bina kuch sawaal maange
jaagte rehna raat bhar
saath mein.

29.12.2003
12.50 a.m

Dhoondha hai
par nahin milti to nahin milti,
mere chain ki neend,
cigarette ke dhuen mein
sulagte hothon ke beech
dheeth sapno ki bheed mein
jo mujhe, mere hone se alag kar de.
us ke dhadakte dil mein
kucch to mera hoga
yeh chaha nahin sirf
har pal jiya hai ise...

26.12.2003
1.40 a.m

Difference between Iqbal and Black

to begin with ...Black annoyed me and pissed me off and even bored me...and i loved Iqbal...unashamedly i loved it...and they were kind of about the same thing weren't they...the life of the disabled people...their problems...tehir dreams...basically everything that makes a life...
but there is a difference ...iqbal was a human being and the rani in black...was a disabled person !!!
When iqbal struggled hard ,we wanted to say-"way to go champ!" and when the black girl ( i am not going to look for her name...i don't remember it and that's that) struggled we were forced to say ' hai hai poor girl...saare jahan ki museebat us par hi hai' ek to dekh nahin sakti sun bol nahin sakti and aur upar se insensitive father!' and we were made to feel guilty for having eyes, ears and speech....
i mean if i had a friend who was blind or had any disability do you think she/he would want me to keep on saying poor you...let me do that for you...oho such a sad life...blah blah...or do you think she/he would want me to forget that she is blind after the inital getting used to
...but no mr bhansali did not let us forget that for a second that she was blind deaf and dumb...and that we were not...there was no US in teh film ever...just all of you losers and this poor great soul....
and iqbal was a friend...he was us...his father saw him like any father sees another child...lazy and whiling away time...neither a burden neither a porcelain doll...i am not saying what happend in Black can never happen...it sure does...all i am talking about the message that the films sent...are the disabled people THEM and we are US....wasn't that the whole idea behind Black....

Tu nahin par tera khayal dost hai mera jitna peeche dhakelti hoon utna hi aur zyaada zid se ad jaata hai jab bhi dekho bina pooche- shor machaata chala aata hai majaal meri ki main ek bhi minute us se door ho paaoon kabhi neend pakad ka mujhe chiddaata hai paas nahin aane deta mere kabhi pyaar se sulaata hai kitni to bak bak karta hai... dimagh thak jaaye utni arguements . Dher saare kaam ke beech bahut saari baaton ke beech munh latkaaye drama karte hue kabhi aata hai aur poochta hai 'aaj yaad nahi aayi meri?' nandini p.s: i know its soppy...par love shove mein sab allowed hai na...

Homesickness...new cities and new opportunities ...and leaving everything that you know, behind.... i had promised myself that when my friend Purnima leaves home I will write a blog about this....and pass it to all my friends all over the world....2 years in mumbai and to be precise 2 years of love with mumbai....but i still miss Delhi (ummm i prefer calling it Dilli actually.)..and i have a feeling always will....crazy as it sounds... while watching 'ek haseena thi' (the shriram raghvan film!) while thrilling me also made me lil weepy eyed...only because i saw blue line buses and dtc buses on ring road in the film...and teh kajrare song from bunty aur babli...is special...not only because of the awesome lyrics throughout but the last para where he sings " ballimaaran se dareebe talak...teri meri kahani dilli mein" i was jumping in the seat(while unsuccessfully trying to whistle) beacuse i grew up near ballimaaran (where ghalib stayed btw) and did shopping for my sister's wedding at dareeba and filthy it sure is ...old delhi. i mean,..and crowded and full of lecherous men....but its still my first memories of the world....(i will definitely do a blog on purani dilli ka khaana....) and it is full of romance...listen to the names...chandni chowk....khaari baoli...if you are safe...umm in delhi you just have to have a man around you to be almost safe...then you can have lots of fun there...lots of little little things to buy...lots of funny aunties and uncles to watch...lots of road side romeos and lots of obliging rooftop juliets....lots of yummy food....kothis that make you instantly nostalgic( about what exactly i don't know...but nostalgic)....the haunting sound of the azaan...and obsessive sound of the mandir aarti.... sigh will come back and do another part soon....right now i am hungry and think will call mummy....i am like this only....:)